To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/05/20 06:28
Subject: [K-list] More Repressed Memory Coming Up / Dave
From: Amanda Erhart
On 1999/05/20 06:28, Amanda Erhart posted thus to the K-list:
Dear Dave and TG,
I have been wanting to reply to Dave's mail for some
days now but been too busy. :)
Lots to do before the professor leaves again.
However, I'm /taking/ the time to do it now. :)
I have been experiencing some of the same things Dave
talks about.
On Mon, 17 May 1999 17:16:00 LeTeegee wrote:
>During a K awakening, you can receive all kinds of memories... unfortunately,
>some are of abuse as a child that you may have no recollection of, and the
>memories that come up are vivid.... just like your dreams are now. There
>is a possibility that you are bringing up past life memories -- not of this
>life -- but it seems just as real, like it is this >life.
These are my experiences as well.
Some things are memories of this life, some things are
memories from a past life, and some things are just
visions which signify something specific for you or is
meant to whirl up old emotions and views so you can
deal with them and let them go.
I view K as the wind which stirs lakes in the spring and fall.
Without the stirring you'd never get a healthy
lake, but during the stirring, all sorts of things
comes up from the bottom, old leaves, old rotting
things, old stuff you should have discarded a long time
ago but has just been stored in the subconscious
because you have been unable to let them go.
And the reason why you get them is so that you can
let them go.
>From what little experience I've had with
scary visions
(my K is mild and gentle, sometimes to the extent
that he will hold my hand when things get tough,
but I've had visions all my life, so I may be used to
it.)
is that what helps a lot is to think that one part of
you is witnessing the events and that means not all
of you is "sucked into" the vision.
Knowing that it is K helps a lot too, and also knowing
you're not alone with experiencing it
helps a lot. :)
I know it can be scary having voices in your head
which critisizes and comments on what you do, but
have you tried take a good look at the voices,
lie down and listen to them and see where they are
coming from ?
Voices like that may be patterns from the past,
the voice of an overly critical parent or an overly
critical super ego (which in essence is the same thing). Or they may be voices indicating repressed anger in yourself.
The reason I say this is that I have experienced
critical voices, shadows on walls, the feeling of
being possessed, etc etc. I found it was a fear issue.
Fear begat fear and the moment I managed to let go,
the scary stuff resided.
I have also experienced
angry and hateful visions of demonic looking creatures,
but they are usually just symbols of my own anger and
irritation and they come so I can take a good look at
them and loosen my grip on them.
Once, two demons appeared and beat me into the ground,
one was Pride and the other was Principle.
I hated that they beat my head to a pulp, but a lot
of unusable
stuff leaked out and then Pride turned into a little
flower and Principles became a nicely framed painting
which I hung up on a wall (didn't quite want to let
go of all my principles right yet ;) )
What a relief to get rid of them. :)
I have experienced that a lot with K, first, scary
and repressed stuff, from the past or as something
specific in your own personality,
then a question whether I want
to let these things go, then a resolution of the
"problem", usually requiring some work on my behalf
and a lot of surrender to K, and then resolution.
Which is a great relief. It really feels like you've
been physically holding on to a memory or an anger
for a long time
and when you have looked at it and decided to let it
go, and let K enable you to forgive whatever had
happened, then you can let it go, completely. :)
>Please keep an open mind to this possibility. Do not take anything you
>*see* and give it a grain of salt during this >kundalini process.
That is true. :) I usually view all visions that are
not accompanied with very deep emotion as per
catharsis as symbols from K, illustrations of emotional
issues that are most easily represented as imagery of different sorts from the subconscious and most easily
dealt with by the conscious
by responding directly to the imagery.
Don't overanalyze, but don't believe that
everything you see is true either. :)
I know it's a difficult balance, I mean it's difficult
seeing these scary and horrible and sometimes very
beautiful things like Moses' Burning Bush
and the face of the biblical God
without getting at least a little scared.
But hey, think of it as the great cinemascope show
of the brain, soul and K, replete with stereosound. ;)
It's just a film, the negative is really really
old,
K is the projector light, but you're the one turning
the crank of the projector. And the celluloid is your
brain.
>You can
>also receive memories of being Jesus Christ Himself Reincarnated... or many
>other possibilities. (there are many of us Jesus's >out there!).
Gee, thanks for that suggestion TG. :)
I've been having conversations with God for every night
the last two weeks and I know it's K but I wonder
sometimes. :) It's good to hear others have
experienced the same thing. I was starting to
feel like one of those mad medieval mystics which
talk to god in the basement of their castle, then
go out and declare holy war on Jerusalem or whatever...
Last night I rushed from the bed to a chair and
knelt down in a religious fervor. Then it came to me
that I was receiving communion,
something I've never
done in this life before. When I realized that a lot
of K came through,
went into a fit of spasms
but it was incredibly blissful.
:) But if anyone had seen me at that moment, they
would have locked me up in the loonybin for sure.
Hmmm.. I wonder if I'll do that again tonight ?
>Hang in there... just observe the memories coming up >and let them flow on by...
Yup, that's it, erase and rewind, no sorry,
observe and assess. :) Then erase and fast forward. ;)
>That's the purpose... to learn to surrender -- not to >grasp.
:) And let go when you get the chance, when K invites
you to.
As TG said in a later post, keep in touch with the
list. Always good to know there are others out there
who have an inkling of what it feels like and what
you're experiencing. :)
Let us hear from you in the future.
Best regards,
Amanda. (Now appearing as Joan of Arc on cinemas
worldwide, courtesy of K. unltd.) ;)
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