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1998/04/17 01:08
kundalini-l-d Digest V98 #300


kundalini-l-d Digest Volume 98 : Issue 300

Today's Topics:
  Re: help! what's happening to me? [ David Bozzi <david.bozziATnospamsnet.net> ]
  Awakenings [ Kari Tyler <proph1984ATnospamearthlink.net ]
  Re: Snaky stuff [ "Ed Jason" <lobATnospamlineone.net> ]
  Re: chakras and deities [ "Jason S. White" <zymphtATnospambluewin.ch ]
  Re: Anahata and the Spiritual Heart [ Anurag Goel <anuragATnospamBhaskara.ee.iis ]
  Fw: Seriousness is a Disease [ "Sandeep Chatterjee" <sandeepcATnospambom3 ]
  Fw: Some Sufi Gems [ "Sandeep Chatterjee" <sandeepcATnospambom3 ]
  Seriousness is a Disease [ "Sandeep Chatterjee" <sandeepcATnospambom3 ]
  Re: help! what's happening to me? [ Anurag Goel <anuragATnospamBhaskara.ee.iis ]
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1998 01:04:06 -0400
From: David Bozzi <david.bozziATnospamsnet.net>
To: Kundalini <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com>
Subject: Re: help! what's happening to me?
Message-ID: <3536E2C6.95522978ATnospammail.snet.net>

Matthew Bastress wrote:

> Maybe it is altogether different and I'm just
> looking for another band-aid for the wound that people
> would call "psycho" if I showed it to them. (?)

Wounds die in the light.

>I work
> 40 hours a week at a computer and I have come to hate
> it because of the damned logic of it all.

Maybe in becoming immersed in logic you have banished a part of
yourself that is not the logical. There's the element of hate and
anger. Where is this energy blocked? Where's it being directed?
At you?

> I guess
> I'm just not interested in splitting hairs--you see?

What about yourself? Would you split yourself?
(only in dreams can we do this)
You want Wholeness?

> I could sense another
> consciousness near mine, and when I bent to its will, it
> could move my body however it wanted. The awful thing was
> that it seemed to really hate me,

If we have anger and we disown it. Push it away. Struggle with it.
Fight with it. Are we free of it? Ultimately all we ever struggle with
is ourself.

> so I stopped going along with it,

Glad to see you realize you have a choice.

> but it is always there,

Will you choose to experience it honestly? Could you be
watching it through a filter of anger? Maybe it's not angry.
Could it be something else? Maybe you don't know and that's
all right not to know. What if it's a part of you? A part
forgotten while drunk with the gods of intellect.
Could you be tender to it? Could you love it? Could it last your Love?

> It is as if I'm being digested, raped.

A Supreme Being protects you always.
Center in Him, or whatever you choose to call It.

> Everything flash of intuition soon
> after it comes is followed by a feeling of being
> killed, and then I can't remember anymore what it
> was.

What can die is not of consequence.
But what survives, lives forever.

> I am pulled up out of my feet. Anything I
> fall in love with I die inside when I see, and all I can
> do is tremble.

If one falls in love with something that seems apart from oneself then
this
causes mischief and worse to the experiencer.
Love who is not apart from you.
(no one is apart from us)

> I'm inside something else, and I
> don't belong to the world around me anymore.

Light hurts eyes once soaked in darkness.
The little pain it causes at first is well worth the price for Vision.

> While I sleep my dreams don't belong to me and I
> wake up and my body doesn't fit me anymore.

We are not this flesh. We are really spirit.

> I can hear it whining, screaming, feel it trying
> to kill me like it's sticking pins in my heart.
> I can step out of myself and see its face in "mine",
> and look at how it's watching everything and taking
> over. Then it sees me and gets angry and I forget.
>
> What is going on?????

We're waking up.
Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1998 23:04:46 -0700
From: Kari Tyler <proph1984ATnospamearthlink.net>
To: kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com
Subject: Awakenings
Message-ID: <3536F0FE.8F69B907ATnospamearthlink.net>

Hello.
I have not spoken yet on this list, and even tried to unsubscribe
unsuccessfully, and now am pleased to sort through the immense quantity
of mail. I have had immense awakenings over the past two months,
somewhat I attribute following the inner voice I named the "Mother
Instinct" at age 14. Flashes of insight are inundating my essence with
great accuracy daily!!!! It is beautiful to be on this journey. The
heart and third eye chakras, although I do not know the proper Hindu
name, are opening through exercise of the K. I realize it is not
necessary to confirm through words that these experiences are real. I
have reached points lately, in group sessions, where we speak without
words. Can anyone out there relate to this? I am ecstatic over the
opening I have had with a re-awakening of the K. When it happened to
me, I was in a group setting, "talking" with another person sitting
fifteen feet away, and I fell back to the ground feeling the immensity
of LOVE, pure LOVE, in waves emanating from and entering my heart. I
began to cry, in union with the eternal. Please respond and let me know
of your experience. I must say, when one asks for answers, they will
arrive. And take heed for they are not always agreeable to the
emotions, or surface layer attributes of ourselves, but the Inner
knowing center of us will guide..

Rain(:
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1998 23:43:39 -0700
From: "Ed Jason" <lobATnospamlineone.net>
To: "Brent Blalock" <blal0004ATnospammaroon.tc.umn.edu>
Cc: "Kundalini - L" <kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com>
Subject: Re: Snaky stuff
Message-Id: <199804170554.GAA01546ATnospamboober.lineone.net>

> I'm still not quite clear about what you're saying about non-verbal wisdom
> transmission. You could say to someone, "Early to bed, early to rise makes
> a man healthy, wealthy, and wise." If they're receptive, they'll apply
> that knowledge, and, therefore, receive knowledge verbally. If that is a
> "superficial" truth, then what isn't?

Hi Brent,
You are clear. You know what shakti is. If not look it up.
This must be the stupidest question one can ask:
Please tell me in words what can not be said.

  
> > Everyone is raw and immature. It is a question of degree. As for the
> path...
> > develop real qualities, go within. Be kind. Start to find the answers you
> have.
> > In other words digest what you know.
>
> And how do you know that this is the way? And what do you call "real"
> qualities? Some people are of the opinion that freeing oneself from
> attachment to things is the way, and that digesting information only
> reinforces bondage to the material world (actively starting thoughts, not
> just letting them float by).

You know another way?
Real qualities:
kindness, generosity, truthfulness, lack of learnt opinions, direct perception etc
Freeing oneself of things? - what things? - the head? the ground? I am attached to everything in my life but I do not cling to their being or their absence.
Yes the 'empty mind' brigade are so busy allowing thoughts to float by, perhaps they will never think that there are lobotomy processes that will create this condition. Is anyone seriously saying you have a mind - don't use it?
You have a mind - use it. You are bonded to the material world - or have you never thought of that? Perhaps you can let it just float by . . .

the unkind, miserly, dishonest, opinionated, unperceptive Lobster
floating by . . .
floating by . . .
floating by . . .
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1998 08:47:16 +0200
From: "Jason S. White" <zymphtATnospambluewin.ch>
To: <Kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com>, "Mary Ezzell" <maryATnospamsonic.net>
Subject: Re: chakras and deities
Message-ID: <003d01bd69cc$ab3a2000$1237bac3ATnospamzympho.bluewin.ch>
Content-Type: text/plain;
 charset="us-ascii"

>My impression is we can put whatever deities we like there, more or less.
>IE of our own personal set of favorite deities, we can put them on our own
>totem pole in any order we like. (Tho the chakras may have their own
>attached deities too.)
>
>
>
>>..which Arch Angel to which chakra...
>
>More info on that?

I agree with you, it seems to matter very little which deities or images
emerge from exploring that energy. The deities that appear are the "right"
ones and we don't need a book to tell us what we should be finding - that
only invalidates our personal experience. However, the books may help in
learning how to develop a relationship with those deities.

I think the deities are personifications (or animalifications) of the
qualities of the chakra energies. They are fabricated by our imaginations
and are representative of the state of evolvement or growth of our
qualities.

But that is not to say that we should discount them as figments of our
imagination. I have found great value in doing the opposite. What a relief
it is to listen to what these imaginings tell me and realize their
metaphorical wisdom in my life.

Jason.
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1998 11:54:27 +0530 (IST)
From: Anurag Goel <anuragATnospamBhaskara.ee.iisc.ernet.in>
To: Harsha1MTM <Harsha1MTMATnospamaol.com>
cc: keutzerATnospameecs.berkeley.edu, hlutharATnospambryant.edu, shawebbATnospamyhc.edu,
 kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com, kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com
Subject: Re: Anahata and the Spiritual Heart -- Nadis and Say What? :-)
Message-ID: <Pine.SOL.3.93.980417115104.9460C-100000ATnospamBhaskara>
Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII

Hi,
    I too read somewhere about one going back to Anahat chakra after
    sahasrar awakening. i just browsed through the article. I will write
    later about it after reading it.

Love,
Anurag

On Thu, 16 Apr 1998, Harsha1MTM wrote:

> In a message dated 4/15/1998 10:38:13 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
> keutzerATnospameecs.berkeley.edu writes:
>
> << KK: In Ramana Maharshi's works I have noted that he goes out of his way to
> distinguish the spiritual heart from the physical heart but I have never
> found anything he wrote that distinguishes it from either anahata or
> hridaya cakras of the heart. If he does so can you give me a pointer. >>
>
> Harsha: Look in the middle of page 367 of the "Talks with Sri Ramana
> Maharshi." The Sage clearly states, "Anahata is not the same as the Heart-
> center. If so why should they (yogis) wander further to the
> Sahasarara?............See also the upper portion of page 392.
>
> I have said before in earlier posts also that the physical heart, Anahata (the
> psychic heart center of the Kundalini Yoga) and the Spiritual Heart ( in which
> the mind and the Shakti merge in Kevala Nirvikalpa Samadhi) are three distinct
> conceptualizations. I am giving below part of a conversation we had a few
> months ago for those interested further on the topic. This and other posts on
> the Heart and Kundalin are in the archives.
>
> In a message dated 98-02-08 22:27:17 EST, keutzerATnospameecs.berkeley.edu writes:
>
> << Harsha has periodically spoken of
> kundalini going beyond the sahasrara to the heart. I have not had the
> experience. In my limited experience once kundalini has penetrated the
> crown there is nothing to move and nowhere to go. This viewpoint is echoed
> in the literature of the Natha yogins. But this is just my experience.
>
> Harsha writes: This is true. Yoga Shastras declare that Sahasarara is the
> final resting place of the Shakti and that, that is where Nirvikalpa Samadhi
> takes place. Pursha Sukta declares the Heart (Hridayam) to be the Seat of the
> Self. Ultimately one must rely on one's own experiences. It is my experience
> that many different types of Samadhis can take place in the Sahasarara. And
> some of them are extremely powerful and intense. One of the "NIrvikalpa
> Samadhis" I had at the Sahasarara lasted the whole night, and was one of the
> only Samadhis where I found it very very difficult to come out of. I don't
> know how someone living in complete isolation can survive it as the desire to
> come out quickly declines. In the morning I felt physically weak but noted the
> effects of the Samadhi on my consciousness. In Kevala Nirvikalpa Samadhi,
> however, the
> Shakti along with the mind comes down from the brain center, and merges in
> the Spiritual Heart (Hridayam). Here the breath stops and the Self is
> Reconized by the Self. Pure and Simple.
>
> Kurt writes: If I were to try to build a model from what I have read, been
> taught and
> experiences it is that true insight can come from any cakra. A Shaivite,
> Swami Nityananda pointed out that the Self can be realized anywhere and has
> no locality at the heart. Buddhists have taught me that the non-duality of
> bliss and emptiness can be contemplated at any center.
> >>
> Now Harsha is really smiling: Yes. Beautiful. Absolutely! Self is always
> Realized and has no locality anywhere. It can be recognized Anywhere at any
> Center. Where are all the Centers? They exist in the Heart only. The Heart is
> only another name for the Self. As long as we speak in relationship to the
> body, the Heart or the Sahasarara have certain locations due to the experience
> of the mind. When one is in the Self, then there is nothing else to be aware
> of. Self Knows It Self without thought or doubt. Its nature is that of Being
> Whole and Complete and in Total Freedom. It is Pure Joy and Eternal Existence.
>
>
>
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1998 12:28:55 +0530
From: "Sandeep Chatterjee" <sandeepcATnospambom3.vsnl.net.in>
To: <kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com>
Subject: Fw: Seriousness is a Disease
Message-ID: <01bd69ce$49dde420$b41736caATnospamdefault>
Content-Type: text/plain;
 charset="iso-8859-1"

-----Original Message-----
From: Sandeep Chatterjee <sandeepcATnospambom3.vsnl.net.in>
To: kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com <kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com>
Date: Thursday, April 16, 1998 09:06 AM
Subject: Seriousness is a Disease

>Hi everybody,
>
>THE BEARER IS A LIFETIME MEMBER IN GOOD STANDING IN:
>THE SOCIETY OF CHILDLIKE GROWNUPS AND IS HEREBY ENTITLED TO:
>Walk in the rain, JUMP in mud puddles, Collect rainbows,
>Smell flowers, Blow bubbles, ooOOoo, Stop along the way,
>Build sandcastles, Watch the moon & stars come out,
>Say Hello to everyone, Go barefoot, Go on adventures,
>Sing in the shower,
>Have a Merry Heart, Read children's books,
>Act silly, Take bubble baths, Get new sneakers,
>Hold hands & hug & kiss, dance,
>Fly kites, laugh out loud and cry out loud,
>wander around, wonder (???) about stuff,
>Feel SCARED, sad, Mad & Happy,
>Give up worry, guilt & shame, Stay innocent,
>Say yes & no and the magic words, Ask lots of questions,
>Ride bicycles, Draw, paint & color, See things differently,
>Fall down and get up again, Talk with animals,
>Look at the sky, Trust the Universe, STAY UP LATE,
>Climb trees, Take naps, Do nothing, Daydream,
>Play with toys, Play under the covers, Have pillow fights,
>Learn new stuff, Get excited about EVERYTHING,
>Be a clown, Listen to music, Find out how things work,
>Make up new rules, Tell stories,
>Save the World, Make friends,
>and do anything that brings more:
>Happiness, Celebration, Relaxation, Communication, Health, Love, Joy,
>Creativity, Pleasure, Abundance, Grace, Self-esteem, Courage, Balance,
>Spontaneity, Passion, Peace, Beauty and Life energy to all humans and
>beings of
>this planet.
>FURTHERMORE: the above named member is officially authorized to frequent
>amusement parks, beaches, meadows, mountain tops, swimming pools,
>forests,
>playgrounds, picnic areas, summer areas, summer camps, birthday parties,
>circuses, bakeries, ice cream parlors, theaters, aquariums, zoos,
>museums,
>planetariums, toy stores, festivals, and other places where children of
>all
>ages gather to play AND is encouraged
>to always remember the motto of
>THE SOCIETY OF CHILDLIKE GROWNUPS:
>IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO HAVE A HAPPY CHILDHOOD, AND TO MAKE SURE THAT OTHERS
>DO,
>TOO!
>
>
>In joy
>
>Sandeep the child.
>
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1998 12:30:00 +0530
From: "Sandeep Chatterjee" <sandeepcATnospambom3.vsnl.net.in>
To: <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com>
Subject: Fw: Some Sufi Gems
Message-ID: <01bd69ce$701a6780$b41736caATnospamdefault>
Content-Type: text/plain;
 charset="iso-8859-1"
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>Some Sufi gems:

>This is no Kaaba
>For idiots to circle
>Nor a mosque
>For the impolite to clamor in
>This is kharabat a temple of total ruin.
>Inside are the drunk, from pre-eternity
>to the Judgement day
>gone from themselves
>---------------------------------------
>
>
>I though of You so often
>that I completely became You
>Little by little You drew near
>and slowly but slowly I passed away.
>-----------------------------------------------------
>
>Talking about Koran and all the scriptures the Sufi Master Rumi says
>
>Footprints but come to the ocean's shore
>Therein, no trace remains
>
>(Sandeep:
>All scriptures only come to the ocean's shore.They can't take you into the
>journey of the unknown, they remain part of the known)
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
>
>Two disciples of a Sufi Mystic were walking in the garden of the Master.
>They were both smokers and wanted to seek the permission of the Master to
>smoke. They both went to the Master and next day in the garden one finds
the
>other smoking away. The other one was furious "but he refused to me. Look
at
>the injustice"
>The smoker asks "What did you ask the Master?" The other replied "I asked
>can I smoke while meditating. What did you ask?"
>The smoker replied" I asked can I meditate while smoking?"
>For a Sufi every situation, everything can be in meditation.
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
>-------
>
>Don't speak to us of visions and miracles
>for we long ago transcended such things
>We saw them all to be illusions and dream
>and dauntlessly we passed beyond them.
>
>(Sandeep:
>A great Sufi statement. God is not an experience. No experience as such is
>spiritual. All experiences are mind games. Whatsoever can be seen will be
>part of the illusory world. The seer is the truth not the seen. You can see
>auras, you can see angels, you can see kundalini rising and you can see
>Inner Lights—but they are all seen. They are not "you")
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
>---
>
>Was D H Lawrence a Sufi? Read these lines
>
>Are you willing to be sponged out,
>Erased,cancelled, made nothing?
>Are you willing to be made nothing,
>Dipped into oblivion
>If not, you will never change.
>
>The phoenix renews her youth
>Only when she is burnt, burnt alive
>Burnt down to hot and flocculent ash.
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
>-------------
>
>
>Kabir was a Sufi poet. He writes
>
>I laugh when I hear the fish in the water is thirsty.
>
>You don't grasp the fact that what is most alive of all is inside your own
>house:
>
>and so you walk from one holy city to the next
>with a confused look .
>The caller calls in a loud voice to the Holy One at dusk.
>Why?
>Surely the Holy One is not deaf.
>
>He hears the delicate anklets that ring on the
>feet of an insect as it walks.
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1998 12:31:12 +0530
From: "Sandeep Chatterjee" <sandeepcATnospambom3.vsnl.net.in>
To: <kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com>
Subject: Seriousness is a Disease
Message-ID: <01bd69ce$9b4965a0$b41736caATnospamdefault>
Content-Type: text/plain;
 charset="iso-8859-1"

Hi everybody

ROTFLMAO

SWAMI BEYONDANANDA'S GUIDELINES FOR ENLIGHTENMENT
    
    "Drive your Karma; Curb your Dogma"
     1. Be a Fundamentalist--make sure the Fun always comes before
 the mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will
 never be canceled. A laugh track has been provided, and the
 reason why we are put in the material world is to get more
 material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will
 ensure regularhilarity.
     2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift,
 just for entering--so you are already a winner.
     3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is
 Tell-A-Vision. That is where I tell a vision to you and you
 tell a vision to me. That way, if we don't like the
 programming we're getting, we can simply change the channel.
     4. Life is like photography. You use the negative to
 develop. And, no matter what adversity you face, be
 reassured: Of course God loves you--He's just not ready to
 make a commitment.
     5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy
 thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the
 ears, causing a condition called truth decay. So be sure to
 use mental floss twice a day. And when you're tempted to
 practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in Swami's
 Absurdiveness Training class: "Don't get even, get odd."
     6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments
 and truly live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you
 no mad at me. That way, there'll surely be nomadness on the
 planet. And peace begins with each of us. A little peace
 here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces will
 fit together to make one big peace everywhere.
     7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the
 future, so if you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice
 is simple. When you find a fault, just don't dwell on it.
     8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is
 toilet train the world, and we'll never have to change it
 again.
     9. If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have
 some bad news and some good news. The bad news is---there is
 no key to the Universe. The good news is--it has been left
 unlocked.
     10. Finally, everything I have told you is channeled. That
 way, if you don't like it, it's not my fault. And remember,
 enlightenment is not a bureaucracy. So, we don't have to go
 through channels.
LOL
Sandeep
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1998 11:46:16 +0530 (IST)
From: Anurag Goel <anuragATnospamBhaskara.ee.iisc.ernet.in>
To: Matthew Bastress <mattbATnospamchrysalis.com>
cc: kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com
Subject: Re: help! what's happening to me?
Message-ID: <Pine.SOL.3.93.980417113057.9460B-100000ATnospamBhaskara>
Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII

Hi Matt,
   I know this much that the unpleasant thoughts may occur in mind
   when one is towards kundalini awakening. It's like all the
   bad acts which we have done or thought of or read are pouring
   out. I suppose in such situation one should be calm to
   the extremest possible. One should always think of doing good
   to others.
   
   Read some nice books which will fill one with true love.
   I think Love will be of utmost importance in such situation.
   Listen to calm and loving music which takes you deep within.
   Talk and say nice things to others.
    
   I think Pranayama will help one to control the thoughts.
   Don't give up fight with the bad emotions with your whole
   energy. I think one has to win this battle there is no escape.
   Emotions are yours So you can control them. Don't give up.
   I know it's very hard. Go ahead,fight, god will help you
   if you have trust in him.
    
   Above all this find a SADGURU.

Love and blessings ,
Anurag

  ==============
  = Name : Anurag Goel =
  = Course : M.Sc. Engg. ,Electrical Engg =
  = Room No : PD-16 =
  = e-mail : anuragATnospamee.iisc.ernet.in =
  ==============
  = HOME PAGE LOCATION =
  = http://144.16.69.6/people/students/anurag =
  = =
  = kabira yeh ghar prem ka khala ka ghar nahi =
  = shish utare bhoomi dhare vah pathe ghar mahi =
  = =
  ==============

On Thu, 16 Apr 1998, Matthew Bastress wrote:

> I have just stumbled onto this list and I already
> read two posts by Kathy(delirium) and Uwe who have
> these experiences. I can't believe it.
>
> Kathy wrote:
>
> >This morning somebody woke up in my body and I don't think it was "ME" anymore.
> >
> >Everything i used to know isn't the same anymore. "Important stuff" isn't important anymore. "MY
> > JOB" isn't good for me anymore...I don't even know what I do, and I feel as though I should qui
> >t and move to Alaska or somewhere and become a prostitute, 'cause then at least I'd be getting s
> >crewed for a real reason...this is a joke but therein is a kernel of my current attitude.
>
> Normally I would wait for a while but this is so amazing
> for me that other people have similar experiences that I want
> spill it. Maybe it is altogether different and I'm just
> looking for another band-aid for the wound that people
> would call "psycho" if I showed it to them. (?)
>
> If you have the patience, thank you for reading this.
> Also, it has taken me a long time to become fairly
> objective about these bizarre experiences--I work
> 40 hours a week at a computer and I have come to hate
> it because of the damned logic of it all. I guess
> I'm just not interested in splitting hairs--you see?
>
> When it started two years ago I was a monk. I
> thought I was possessed because I could sense another
> consciousness near mine, and when I bent to its will, it
> could move my body however it wanted. The awful thing was
> that it seemed to really hate me, and wanted to vomit all
> the time, and was writhing around like it was in hell.
>
> I didn't like that at all after a while, so I stopped
> going along with it, but it is always there, only
> now I try to be more objective about the symptoms so
> I don't freak out my mother or my doctor--vibrations
> everywhere (ankles, heart, teeth, skull), trembling,
> constrained breathing but symptoms of hyperventilation,
> pressure in my head, can't relax. Rapid dehydration.
>
> But the really terrible part of the whole thing I have
> never tried to describe. It is as if I'm being
> digested, raped. Everything flash of intuition soon
> after it comes is followed by a feeling of being
> killed, and then I can't remember anymore what it
> was. I am pulled up out of my feet. Anything I
> fall in love with I die inside when I see, and all I can
> do is tremble. I'm inside something else, and I
> don't belong to the world around me anymore.
>
> While I sleep my dreams don't belong to me and I
> wake up and my body doesn't fit me anymore.
>
> I can hear it whining, screaming, feel it trying
> to kill me like it's sticking pins in my heart.
> I can step out of myself and see its face in "mine",
> and look at how it's watching everything and taking
> over. Then it sees me and gets angry and I forget.
>
> What is going on?????
>
> Matt
>
>

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