kundalini-l-d Digest				Volume 96 : Issue 281 

Date: Thu, 19 Dec 1996 
From: Robert Chalmers 
Subject: Re: Cosmic Loneliness

When I had my kundalini awakening in Nepal in 1982, in a Christian
Ashram, I was deeply and awesomely struck by my essential cosmic
aloneness and my mysterious identity with the universe. I concur with
what follows.  It took me many months- months in which my new awareness
was probably mistaken for schizophrenia- to come to terms with this
sensation and begin to recover the strength to ACT in the world. 

Jean Deitle wrote:
> 
> I understand.  I think the reason for Cosmic Loneliness is that in truth
> you are alone, very alone, as anything with Consciousness is.  If you
> haven't noticed, it is impossible to escape yourself - THE SELF.  You
> cannot be aware of yourself outside of your own awareness.  This has to
> do with the inherent UNITY of all "things."   You are the COSMIC ONE.
> Therefore this loneliness of COSMIC proportions would not be a feeling
> of seperateness from the universe or anything.  It is much, much
> deeper.  It is a feeling that there is nothing external, nothing to be
> seperate from - thus we are truly ALONE! (by the way if you say the
> capitalized words in your head with lots of big spacey  reverb it sounds
> really cool!)
> I think a big part of LIFE is coming to terms with our true nature, our
> inherent aloneness.  I think a lot of the things people have done
> throughout history have been either consciously or unconsiously related
> to their trying to deal with this.  It is part of our life journey to
> perhaps gain a healthy perspective on the SELF.  I have at times felt so
> lonely as to wish I could believe in an external god who would take care
> of everything.  I have chosen instead that this UNITY is something to
> celebrate.  Celebrate your SELF!  Think of all the possibilties that NOW
> exist.  Remember that there is NOTHING that you have to do.
> As to purpose - there is no purpose, so anything can have any purpose
> you give it.
> A prescription for loneliness?  You got me there.  You could try
> meditation, embracing that aloneness.  It will probably take time and
> patience; but hey, we've got all the TIME in the world, right!  You are
> ETERNAL.  Most of all, try not to worry about it.  I don't believe
> worrying ever helped anyone.
> 
> But then again I may be just full of it.  When it comes down to it your
> just going to have to figure it out for yourself.
> 
> Bon Chance!
> 
> The Orangutan

An egotistical individual will sense this aloneness and decide that they
are God, Jesus, as in a way they ARE!  A more enlightened individual- I
am not saying I am very far towards this- will probably look through
this awareness and celebrate finding God, Jesus in every child, man and
woman and that UNITY is the underlying bond between people. 

Thus Jesus on the Cross could say, as he was dying, "Forgive them Father
because they know not what they do" about the soldiers humiliating and
torturing him.  This is clearly possible if the vantage point of Jesus
was one of deep unity and identity with the soldiers. He was forgiving
himself.  To dissemble humanity into pieces and thus tear apart his OWN
soul would have destroyed everything he had come for.  He chose to allow
others to tear apart his own body instead by being faithful to the UNITY
he had declared with God.  

"I and the Father are One.  The Father is in me and I am in the Father."

Thus the source of the Eucharist where humanity feeds on the Body of
Christ which is broken for them!

No-one has ever before or since matched what the Son of God did, but the
Bible says that, although no-one can take the place of the Master,
everyone can become in time, just like Him.

Obviously, following this, it can be expected that you will go through
the wilderness, perhaps even through persecution on your path.  It is
not necessarily easy or plain sailing. It can also be expected that you
will experience that feeling of cosmic aloneness that Christ did- you
may even develop some of the powers that Christ developed.

Now, I am in a different point of the path to when I felt so
distressingly alone. I have had one horrendous kundalini experience
since, then stabilized through integrating with a church and going
deeper into my own bond to Christ, who is my way and means of handling
kundalini- very gently. Whereas before I wished that time would
accelerate and I was at a loss at times to know what to do with myself
and how to find Meaning, now I am more aware that time is precious. Put
it this way, when time begins to run out, and you realise that you spent
all this time wishing your time away, you'll regret it won't you?
Remember that.  The world needs healing. The world is also beautiful. 
There is so much to see, so much to do.

Eventually, I went back to College and graduated as an Architect, and am
now busy working with unemployed and homeless people trying to find ways
to build affordable housing in Scotland.  I thank God for my work, I
love doing it, I pray for success. 

Work alone is not enough, though.  You need to rediscover your passion
and intensity and sense of adventure.  Nothing in the mystical path
should take this away from you.  You can recapture your childlike
innocence.  Think of something and say "Why Not?" All great adventures
start there.


Robert Chalmers
Gently banking on Jesus


-
Date: Thu, 19 Dec 1996 
From: stampmanATNOSPAMix.netcom.com (Daniel Rusch-Fischer )
Subject: Approaching Solstice, Dreams, UFOs

Hi (k)ites,

This morning (yes, AFTER I got home from the Chac Mool incident at the 
spa) I mentioned to my wife that I had trouble sleeping during the 
night and was up for several hours. I had noticed that she seemed to be 
tossing and turning also.

NOW she tells me that she has been having more and more trouble 
sleeping comfortably. That dreams are disturbing her sleep and becoming 
more and more vivid until last night she said she got no rest at all as 
she felt that she was dreaming all night long. This has been going on 
for over a week now.

What was she dreaming about you ask questioningly? UFO's! Clear images 
of large groups of lightships entering the atmosphere and causing 
people to somehow gather in large crowds watching the ships come. Ships 
would hover over a crowd and a beam would scan through the crowd person 
by person as if searching for certain ones. Periodically the beam would 
stop on a person and draw them up to the ship - then return them to the 
crowd below. She said she felt that they were being implanted with a 
communication/tracking device to become intermediators with the rest of 
the population.

Neither she nor I were picked out from the crowd in her dream as yet. I 
thought maybe this was some kind of dream symbolism indicating her 
apprehension of loosing me to my k-awakening. It has to be a most 
disconcerting series of events for her and although she has been a real 
brick and supported me throughout she has to worry that the plane I am 
moving to might not include her at some future date.

All that aside, this solstice thing seems to be getting to more than 
just the k-awakened - I and the other (k)ites have been reporting a 
storm of personal disturbances. Are we THAT sensitive to the positions 
of astral bodies?

Love and LAUGHING LIGHT,
Dan R-F (Dein Raumbruder-Freund)

        Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.
                                    (somebody, at sometime or other)



Date: Thu, 19 Dec 1996 
From: Tim Duna 
Subject: Re: Cosmic Loneliness


> I have a feeling that I've been watched and helped, but 
>>that's just not enough. I need my purpose in life, something to strive 
>>forr, that will fulfill me and make me happy.
>
>>				B.
>
>
>Your purpose will not be given to you.  Your purpose will not be uncovered
>or discovered.  Instead you will create it.  You will create it out of a
>desire to help, You will create it out of compassion, You will create it out
>of concern for others.  It will fulfill you  it will make you happy,
>but that will no longer matter very much. Get it?
>
>Mary
>	


-        A life purpose is actually a very real thing, we have a soular focus
every incarnation and an incarnational color that reflects that purpose.  I
found out mine in a session with a psychic who connected me to the earth.
Mother earth knows everyone's purpose for being here.  A simple meditation
of taking the mind down there and asking for help in connecting should do
it.  The second time I connected down there was with help from a guide who
grounded my energy down deep into the earth.  



Tim
  



Date: Thu, 19 Dec 1996 
From: CGIAJWATNOSPAMaol.com
Subject: Too Much Mail!

I know I'm just adding mail by sending this, but if it bothers me, it must be
bothering others too.

Their are so many people all interacting on this mailing list that I often
spend a half hour deleting other people's resposes.

If your mail is a response that doesn't warrent a public appearance, send it
directly to the person your responding to.  "I liked your message" is a
perfectly good response, and often means alot to the person, but it doesn't
need to be on the main list.  

Also, when quoting someone, might I suggest editing the quote or
paraphrasing.  I don't need to read someone's entire mail to understand how
your responding to one little peice of it.

If you feel like your message would be useful to multiple people on the list,
that is when it should be posted.

Sorry to sound like a grinch
Aaron

Ps. I'm not reffering to anyone in particular, I've noticed that many people
have the habit,

 streamlining shouldn't be painful



Date: Thu, 19 Dec 1996 
From: LwMema3ATNOSPAMaol.com
Subject: Re: Goodbye for a while
-
Dear Fellow list members,
I will be leaving town for the holidays and I will resub. upon returning, I
wish you all HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!  I'll miss you guys and look forward to
being back on the list in Jan. '97.  
Light and Love,
Lori



-
Date: Thu, 19 Dec 1996 
From: Mary Knapp 
Subject: Re: Cosmic Loneliness


>> I have a feeling that I've been watched and helped, but 
>>>that's just not enough. I need my purpose in life, something to strive 
>>>forr, that will fulfill me and make me happy.
>>
>>>				B.
>>
>>
>>Your purpose will not be given to you.  Your purpose will not be uncovered
>>or discovered.  Instead you will create it.  You will create it out of a
>>desire to help, You will create it out of compassion, You will create it out
>>of concern for others.  It will fulfill you  it will make you happy,
>>but that will no longer matter very much. Get it?
>>
>>Mary
>>	
>
>
>        A life purpose is actually a very real thing, we have a soular focus
>every incarnation and an incarnational color that reflects that purpose.  I
>found out mine in a session with a psychic who connected me to the earth.
>Mother earth knows everyone's purpose for being here.  A simple meditation
>of taking the mind down there and asking for help in connecting should do
>it.  The second time I connected down there was with help from a guide who
>grounded my energy down deep into the earth.  
->
>
>
>Tim
> 
 
How you "find it out" and whether or not you create it are two different
things.  
Yes, of course it is real, but, no one other than you chose it, don't you
think? Chose it before time began perhaps, but chose it nonetheless. IMHO
and in my experience.

Mary
	



Date: Thu, 19 Dec 1996 
From: Joe Patrick Flarity 
Subject: Re: Too Much Mail!
-
******************
Aaron said:


I know I'm just adding mail by sending this, but if it bothers me, it
must be
bothering others too.

Their are so many people all interacting on this mailing list that I
often
spend a half hour deleting other people's resposes.

If your mail is a response that doesn't warrent a public appearance,
send it
directly to the person your responding to.  "I liked your message" is a
perfectly good response, and often means alot to the person, but it
doesn't
need to be on the main list.  

Also, when quoting someone, might I suggest editing the quote or
paraphrasing.  I don't need to read someone's entire mail to understand
how
your responding to one little peice of it.

If you feel like your message would be useful to multiple people on the
list,
that is when it should be posted.

Sorry to sound like a grinch
Aaron
*******************
Hey, me too.   (I am sorry ya'll, but I couldn't resist.)  

But if you have made it this far, I do have an additional morsel of
truth that I have resisted posting because I am still trying to resolve
the incongruity:  Why would K aware folks not follow the standard
guidelines of this list and most others?

If this post caused of touch of remose--there is an immediate cure.  Go
to your mail preferences section and take off the "repeat message on
reply" option.  Now you only have to remember to eliminate "me too" and
"thank you" list posts and 90% of the problem is solved.

During this busy time of the year, I do not have time to read 33
messages a day and I have started to delete responses that I feel have a
high probability of the above.  Since I am an ardent list reader, I
assume others have been even more aggressive.

Don't let this continue as most of your responses are treasures.
-
Love,

Joe



Date: Thu, 19 Dec 1996 
From: Tim Duna 
Subject: Re: Cosmic Loneliness
-

>>> I have a feeling that I've been watched and helped, but 
>>>>that's just not enough. I need my purpose in life, something to strive 
>>>>forr, that will fulfill me and make me happy.
>>>
>>>>				B.
>>>
>>>
>>>Your purpose will not be given to you.  Your purpose will not be uncovered
>>>or discovered.  Instead you will create it.  You will create it out of a
>>>desire to help, You will create it out of compassion, You will create it out
>>>of concern for others.  It will fulfill you  it will make you happy,
>>>but that will no longer matter very much. Get it?
>>>
>>>Mary
>>>	
>>
>>
>>        A life purpose is actually a very real thing, we have a soular focus
>>every incarnation and an incarnational color that reflects that purpose.  I
>>found out mine in a session with a psychic who connected me to the earth.
>>Mother earth knows everyone's purpose for being here.  A simple meditation
>>of taking the mind down there and asking for help in connecting should do
>>it.  The second time I connected down there was with help from a guide who
>>grounded my energy down deep into the earth.  
>>
>>
>>
>>Tim
>> 
> 
>How you "find it out" and whether or not you create it are two different
>things.  
>Yes, of course it is real, but, no one other than you chose it, don't you
>think? Chose it before time began perhaps, but chose it nonetheless. IMHO
>and in my experience.
>
>Mary

-
        Agreed, I was thinking that you were referring to the chocie being
on a waking mind and only waking mind level.  



Date: Thu, 19 Dec 1996 
From: Tim Duna 
Subject: Too Much Mail

At 08:56 PM 12/19/96 -0500, you wrote:
>I know I'm just adding mail by sending this, but if it bothers me, it must be
>bothering others too.

        Maybe people should start adding 'Off Topic" before mails that are
just that.  I know people have complained about off topic messages in the
past, I personally don't mind them, but it would save people the trouble of
having to go through the off topic posts.  They could just trash them right
away and be done with them.  

-        I personally see that we can only talk so much about kundalini, and
must therefore look into other offshoot topics to discuss.  


Tim



Date: Thu, 19 Dec 1996 
From: Tim Duna 
Subject: Re: lonilness & Oz

At 03:27 PM 12/18/96 -0800, you wrote:
>I wonder....
>
>My own life has been for the most part solitary, like Dorothy in Kansas. 
>So when I have feelings/glimspses of 'invisible friends' around (while 
>doing healings etc), I have always thought they were from past lives in 
>a big family, etc. That it was a glimpse into the kind of life more 
>social, 'normal' people really have.
->
>But sometimes I wonder. If maybe there's a kind of lonliness that needs 
>disembodied spirit friends to fill it, not other (usually busy or 
>bewildered) humans. If when I'm with people at a party etc, maybe that 
>is just a chance for the good spirits to come around, without being  
>dismissed as illusion....
>
>Mary
>

-
        Hello Mary, this kind of goes into the cosmic lonliness thread.
Loving guides are always around, usually relatives that have passed on are
too.  They hang around in the person's aura on higher dimensions and do come
down frequently when you think of them, especially if two people are talking
about them.  Like attracts like and spirits of all kinds are in various
energetic places of the world.  At a party, no doubt there would be spirits
around.  

        Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between thought-forms
from yourself and outer beings.  Being multi-dimensional, sometimes we feel
our other life energies, these energies seem to be undetectable by others,
at least in my own experience this has been the case.  One can have an
outward being that is from another lifetime that works with them, I have
seen this happen.  

        As far as lonliness, to pick up the thread, I am always warmed up by
loving guides around me.  There is a such a thing as joy guides, these are
the astral clowns and love to bring a smile to your face.  All one need to
do is ask for them to love you divinely or make you laugh, bring joy, etc.
So B. even if you feel alone, you never are.


Tim
    



Date: Thu, 19 Dec 1996 
From: Eagle 
Subject: Ear noises

HELP!!

Hi All.

I am reading about energy and dreams and ....

I have been having some intense and strange dreams for the past two 
weeks.   Seems like anything that I have not already cleared over the 
past few years, is getting clearedc in my dream state.  And sometimes it 
feels like I work all night.  All that I can handle, no big concern.

For the past 2 or 3 days (time has become a blur)  I have had the 
strangest thing going on.  Noises in the ear.  They are extremely 
difficult to describe.   Not ringing, or tones.  Those I am familiar 
with.   And with those it is easy.  Jsut sit and listen to the message 
and in a few seconds the tone or ring stops, and then a little later I 
get a message translated to English.   This is different.

This sounds like wings, but not wings.  like drums, but not drums.
like Morse code, but I cant seem to make it out at all.

The sound seems to come in a series.  There are the noises, then they 
stop about 5 secs, then start again, this time with a different pattern. 
 Then stop 5 secs, and start again, with an entirely different pattern.  
Then it stops for awhile.  Several minutes, then the whole thing starts 
over again.  At first there was long spaces in between each sequence.  
Hours.    The frequency of the sequences is increasing.  Until now, there 
is hardly any space between sequences.  
-
I do not have an "earache".  Although the sounds, when they start, are 
intense enough so that I feel almost pushed out of my body.  It is loud 
enough, and intense enough that the automatic response of my body is to 
pull away.  Twice in meditation class I nearly jumped off the right side 
of my chair when the sequence started in the left ear. (these are only in 
the left ear).  And the frequency and intensity of sequences have 
increased so much since 9:30 PM PST that I am now beginning to feel dizzy 
and although not disoriented.  It is extremely distracting.  And I am now 
beginning to feel a pearcing "something" right at the left side of my 
chest, about 2 inches down from the collar bone, almost in the hollow of 
the shoulder.    

Each time the sequence starts, I stop what I am doing, and wait for to 
receive the message in English.  Not happening here!!   HELP!!  Any 
suggestions and/or input would be greatly appreciated.  This one has me 
completely stumped.    And I am not one who enjoys not receiving answers. 
  As it is my habit to expect answers from the universe when I ask a 
question, and I usually receive a prompt response.

I am off to be now.  I am not only beginning to feel somewhat dizzy, I 
also feel exhausted from the tension the sounds are causing in my body 
each time a sequence starts.  Now it seems that the sequences repeat 3 
times, then stop several minutes and then start over.

Blessings of Love and Light
Sybil  *not Soaring tonight* Eagle.

May the Spirit of Love
that surrounds us at Christmas
fill your heart
and shed its light over the New Year



Date: Thu, 19 Dec 1996 
From: lodpressATNOSPAMinetworld.com (Gloria Greco)
Subject: Re: Aley's Post

HowardCushATNOSPAMaol.com wrote:
> 
> I think the writing and expression in that post are exquisite.  Thank you.
>  And I think that oceanic feeling, which I know intimately, is pure bliss.
> 
> But I also feel that for one who is entrenched in a persistent darkness, it
> can sound like just a big pile of words.  This is what I wrote to Bruce.  I
> guess I feel like if Aley's post is a big star off in the distance, then my
> own post is like a slender little overgrown trail that one might use to
> travel heavenward.
> 
> H
> 
> -----------------------
> 
> B,
> 
> Many have responded in their way to your honest feelings.  I want to add one
> thing.  In my case, I have learned that much of what I think of as a core
> feeling is often the castles of obsession and stuckness I have built around
> something.  It seems like I am immersing myself, going into, the suffering,
> but instead I am actually perpetuating the suffering by repeating a kind of
> familiar pattern of engagement with it.
> 
> Often, when I experience the pain and then ask, what is going on, right now,
> what is this, then I get an answer, like -- "I am feeling pain."  Then the
> next question comes -- "Can I be with this?  just as it is?  without having
> to find a meaning or a purpose or change anything?  Often, this complete and
> unconditional surrender, along with a deep alignment toward witnessing,
> allows something stuck to move through me.
> 
> I shift.
> 
> It's not a bargain, like, if I do this the feeling will go away, because
> that's not full surrender.  But whenever I do surrender fully, the feeling
> always becomes something else.  Feelings move, that is their natural course.
>  If they don't even under this surrendering process, then something very
> entrenched is happening and then the tools of therapy and meds etcetera might
> help.  But even for the most tenacious stuckness, in my own case, I have
> found that full surrender always seems to untwist the hose.
> 
> Take care,
> 
> Howard


Hi Howard,
	One great way of dealing with those intense moments is to centered back
into the now with something like, I am ok in this second, am I not? And
when you are in agreement with that, it should take you back into the
still point enough so that you can detach from the thoughts and
emotions. It is just an excellent way of breaking free of thought forms
and anxiety. Give it a try and let me know how it goes. Gloria