kundalini-l-d Digest				Volume 96 : Issue 227 

Date: Sun, 10 Nov 1996 
From: TeeegeeeATNOSPAMaol.com
Subject: Kundalini Questions..

Hey...

-    I've been on this list for about a month now and have enjoyed all of the
posts.  Have been learning alot about what may have happened to me three
years ago with a K experience. I did all the (wrong) things, not even
realizing what was happening until it did.  With my K rising, it created a
psycotic reaction that scared the living daylights out of me.  Had to give up
my son full-time to my ex, lost my business, my apartment, my confidence, my
sanity...  The only thing I gained during that whole experience was weight!
 Gained over 50 pounds over just a few months.....
    Prior to this experience (after a couple of months of disciplined
meditation, study & internal chants), I had a wonderful (spontaneous)
K-rising one morning (I wasn't in meditation), where one moment I was 'here'
and, the next moment, everything was nothing but white and lights they went
on forever, no sounds - total peace & quiet was the most amazing thing....
Lasted a couple of hours.  
    Of course, not even knowing this place even existed before, I became
quite obsessed to getting back to it.  I overmeditated, overstudied,
overchanted...... which brought me to where I'm at now.
     Where am I?  I wish I knew.  I guess I'm a perfect case to prove what
'not to do' to raise your k...  I feel my sanity has returned (Thank God!),
and recently have gotten my son back full time.  But, something.... something
is missing.  I have felt the total bliss in the past and loved it, but have
come to realize I cannot live in this world and that world at the same time.
 For about the past year, it's like I feel... nothing.  I am not able to
meditate, nor study, on a regular basis (when I do, I feel like I'm losing
touch...).   
     I have learned so much the past couple of years.  Used to be such a nice
wimpy martyr.... now I speak up for myself no matter what.  I've ended
relationships that needed to be ended.  I've learned to let go of the guilt
as it comes up.  I've faced SO many fears, & actually get a kick out of
facing them.  
-     But, the joy isn't there.  I don't feel I'm depressed... just feel kind
of blah.  nothing.  zip.  maybe that's depression.  altho I've been depressed
before and this doesn't feel the same.  
    I guess my question is... is this part of the process (after having such
a frightening experience)?  Is there anything I can do to bring back the joy
in my life?  Is it possible for me to ever work with the K once again, but do
it right this time?   And, to add a rather (vain) question.... will this dang
extra weight I gained ever come off?   (haven't had ANY luck - altho it
wasn't a problem before this).  Does this weight gain have anything to do
with the K (or was I just eating from a place of fear, and now, that I think
I have gotten over the fear, is just a habit?)?
     I thought a long time before writing all of this to post for all of you
to read.  But you seem to have much to say to each other's questions, and I
am hoping some of you can enlighten me on what the heck is going on.  I can
feel my life slowly coming back together, and I truly realize the importance
of staying in the moment (and do my best to stay there!).  
     Thanks for listening.  You all are such a blessing.  You can reply
personally to TeeegeeeATNOSPAMaol.com or post.  Whatever.  I'm just facing one more
fear here...

tg



Date: Sun, 10 Nov 1996 
From: LwMema3ATNOSPAMaol.com
Subject: Re: K experience- thanks Eileen

In a message dated 96-11-03 18:48:53 EST, you write:
Dear Eileen,
-
>> "You don't have to piss and moan - 
 You will never walk alone!"
 
 Which not only reassured me, but reminded me to lighten up!
  >>


I needed to hear these words so much today.  I have been ill this past week
with cold type symptoms, and very low emotionally.  I was feeling very alone
and uncared for until I read the words given to you that you shared with us.
 Just know, that if for no one else here, they did a great deal of good for
me.  I am no longer feeling alone and realize how silly and 'human' I was
being st having 'forgotten' all I really know to be there and knowing that I
am never by myself.  Thanks!

Light and Love,

Lori
P.S. I have loved the entire thread... it's wonderful (to say the very
least).



Date: Sun, 10 Nov 1996 
From: FlarityjATNOSPAMaol.com
Subject: The List and The WAY

Subj:	The List and the Way
Date:	11/09/96
To:	Kundalini-lATNOSPAMexecpc

Phil and other K List souls,

I came to this list to find the WAY and stay on the path however it may
twist.  I respect everyones right to express themselves on any issue they
care to choose.  Your post will reveal more of yourself than the subject you
are discussing. I welcome that knowledge and accept it with trust and love.

However, my time is not infinite and I usually quickly read posts dealing
with subjects on synchronistic events,  travels to exotic places and
channeling like phenomenon. 

In my experiance, these powerful events provide more of a distraction than a
reinforcement of the path.  Once discovered, I gently move back to center.
 The mental process is much like returning your concentration to your breath
rather than the $1000.00 land tax payment that is due at the end of the
month.  In my case, I acknowledge the presence, but refuse to encourage it
unless it will provide vital energy for some internal purpose.

If other list members can make productive use of these phenomena as it
relates to the further arousing of Kundalini--outstanding.

For me, I know a tremendous amount of effort has been expended to get me
physically, mentally, and spiritually in my present state.  In just a blink,
this body will again be stardust and I will have lots of time to visit and
roam the many universes.

For now, there is THE WAY and precious else.

Love,

Joe



Date: Sun, 10 Nov 1996 
From: HowardCushATNOSPAMaol.com
Subject: dominance paradigm

I've been reading Angelique these last few weeks and noticing a variety of
reactions in myself.  One part is interested in the posts.  Another part
rises up and roars that  she's totally nuts.  Another part has a very hard
time integrating s/m with an open heart chakra.  In my experience, and I have
personal experience here, s/m derives from early life stuff, which somehow
gets sexualized.  Some people I know who are into it recognize that their
"kink" comes from old stuff, while others just champion the "lifestyle."  I
wonder how you, Angelique, weigh in on that.

Part of my negative response to the posts -- and I'm acknowledging that this
is about me, and my experience -- comes from the tone in which they're
written.  To me, it's a tone designed to flaunt, and tweak.  I respond much
better to writing that feels more open-hearted and personal to me.  I'm
writing about this because I want to air it, not sit here every day reading
the posts and building up frustrated energy when I could be expressing, and
dialogueing about it.

Th part of all this that I wonder about most relates to the element of direct
experience.  Before my K stuff, I was open but skeptical about much
paranormal activity.  But then it happened to me, in what Angelique might
call the 10 percent I experience through my senses.  I watched myself doing
spontaneous yoga poses, I heard myself doing spontaneous chanting, I felt
myself doing "breath of fire" for minutes on end.  And, when the channels
were most blown open, I heard the voices of other entities/beings/aspects of
my unconscious/whatever you want to call them, speak with my own voice or
silently within me.

So, with regard to faeries and Spiderman, etc., my question is: how do you
experience their existence for yourself?  Is a reality choice, like Spiderman
over Reagan, experienced in the same way as chakra energy, or an apple?  Do
you have some kind of direct experience of these beings, or do you will them
into being?  Or is that, to you, an arbitrary distinction?  I know for me,
and most other people, what's most real to us comes as something visceral,
powerful, beyond our own ego control.

I have no way of knowing about the "truth" of your faery world.  I have no
need to judge it.  But it isn't real to me, so I am very curious about its
reality for you.

My hope is that this post can stimulate open discussion, and not unhelpful
conflict.  It seems to me that there is a great divide, in the world and on
this list, between those who live with faeries and those who don't.  I'd like
to meet for a discussion on the bridge between.

Howard



Date: Mon, 27 Aug 1956 
From: lodpressATNOSPAMinetworld.com (Larry Newman)
Subject: Re: Nocturnal Cyclic


Randall Schwalm wrote:
> 
> >
> >>Now my questions to you on the list: Have others known the manifestations
> >mainly in a
> >>light sleep? And has anyone else noticed any sort of cyclic nature to the
> > energy?
> >>Eileen

> Elileen,
> 
> Light sleep is a great place to ballence to chakra certers and for K.  For
> me I started with OBE experinces 3 years ago and have helped with much. I
> evan at much luch break now will have the jolt experiences.... I feel they
> are the spirit for readjusting back to the body in a new improved way.  Now
> in a light sleep you may have an astral travel which is based more in an
> abstract plane where an OBE Out of body is more firm in clear dimensional
> travel.
> 
> Someone said it they real a lound humming and crakling electricity..... This
> sometimes is heard when in an OBE and tune is is done to the radio waves....
> some energy beings avoid the earth due to the loud deafening sounds of
> waves....Reading this list I feel this points out why so many people are
> drawn to nature.... no Current waves from appliences and reduced radio
> waves...... If anyone ever really gets out in the boonies way from from any
> electrical lines...etc... it is so charging..... the real earth current "the
> divine mother" litteraly comes through.. But as far as light sleep I feel we
> as souls can leave to a more healthy place when in this light sleep.... our
> true spirit selves wake up more and receive nurishment....so when we jolt
> back in to our bodies I feel this is hour we get altered molecularly and
> improved chakras....
> 
> Randy.

Randy,
	Well put, when you are able to choose to leave go, detach from the
lower frequencies where the phenomena takes place you naturally move on
and begin to do the work here, in the body, to place you into the place
where you can get past the illusion on the other side. Just as there are
lower frequencies of positive/negative, light/dark, good/evil present on
this plane, in the lower astral those same forces are at work. So
through detachment, one moves on into the higher dimensions of
experience, which also means moving into higher centers in the body.
Each center represents a place, stage of consciousness, when one
experiences most of there memories from the lower centers out of the
body, it only means that is where they live. 
	How to get beyond it? YOu don't do it by yourself. You align to divine
will/first cause energy and through humility and letting go, you simply
move into the next step in the awakening process. All of the lower
energies are a part of the detaching that is preliminary to the work in
the higher centers. One must get through this, by realizing there is
more, and needing with all of the heart and soul to find out what that
more is. 
	I often talk about detachment and few really understand what it is.
But, it is essential to the letting go and getting on with it stage. As
long as one is attracted to the illusion or glamour of maya, it is where
the individual will stay. There has to be a whole hearted need, to know
more, to be more, to experience inner peace and knowing, to transcend
and transform ones experience here in the body and in the out of body
experience. It is absolutely essential in the hour we live. I have seen
what is happening from the other side and believe me what we are now
into is just the tip of the iceberg. Gloria
/pre>