To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/12/20 20:15
Subject: Re: [K-list] Re: Suffering as lllusion?
From: Jenell

Andrea Arden wrote:
>
> El wrote:
>
> >Again, this is a confusion of levels. From a higher level, the soul chooses
> >experiences which will further its development (and/or fulfill its karma),
> >but this may bear little resemblence to our daily in-the-world decisions and
> >desires. Few of us remember our pre-incarnation mission, but even if we do
> >(astrology gives strong clues), it doesn't mean that we're morons or
> >undeserving of compassion if we took on more heroic or more soul-challenging
> >tasks than others who may not have chosen to grow as much this time around.
>
It is often difficult for us to accurately correlate the degree of soul
challenging we have taken on for this life, and how challenge is
measured in our own world. Some people that sem to have undertaken great
challenges, ay i truth, breeze through them relatively unchallenged.
I've come to realize some of the most miserable, do nothing poeople we
might encounter, from our perspective, have really taken on quite a
challenge at the soul level.

> I see it this way, too, from the perspective of working with others as an astrologer
> and pastlife regression therapist. And from my personal perspective, I would add that
> the pain one suffers (perceived or otherwise :)) diminishes in direct proportion to
> one's willingness to accept the "mission" and act on it.

A difficult often lies in finding conscious awarenes of what that is,
and what one is 'not' doing, that one 'should' be. We often for various
reasons hide from even ourself what it is we need to let go of, get out
of, and what we are not doing that we 'should' be. I think this is the
root of much depression people suffer. I know ti was for me. but at the
time, I didn't even KNOW what it was I needed to do to stop the pain.
>
> I (I'm speaking of the little self here) would have much rather gone through life as
> a "bon vivant" than taken the bodhisattva path that my greater self aspired to. It
> took a long time for me to understand this. But the more I neglected moving toward my
> "chosen" path, the more emotional and physical pain I suffered -- and there was no
> healing for it, aside from what I learned to provide for myself. It wasn't until I
> started to understand, and more importantly, accept, that I had "chosen" to become
> what some would call a "wounded healer," that life became peaceful for me and the
> pain began to leave.
Or is it perhaps for you, that 'wounded healer' is the perverted path,
as mine has been, and the path I am growing toward, my truer path, is
the 'once-wounded-but now healed healer' that knows something of healing
others through having first healed my own self? That is the shaman's
path.
>
I think we may be very much alike here. but with myself, an added
aspect, I had to overcome a lot of guilt stuff that I carried as baggage
that made me feel I didn't have a right to enjoy life, that I owed to
others to make them more important than me, that allowed others to abuse
me and manipulate me. I mean in the emotion and psychological sense more
than physicaly. As if they had a right to make miserable if it made them
happy. I'm still working at breaking out of that.

I too am definitely a bodhisvottva type. but, what i've had to realize
and work at is that it was perverted early in my life by those that took
advantage of that to heap pain upon me, use me as their emotional
whipping post. That was a 'wrong' path for me. When my empathy and lve
and taking on of other peoples' pain that they have unrelated to me, I
am functioning as I 'should', and it is really not a 'suffering'
experience for me. For me to 'take pain' from those in pain is a very
different expereience that to be the target, victim, of others that
would act to cause me pain. But it took a long time to recognize and
begin to understand this.

> Don't get me wrong. I don't think everyone needs to experience pain and suffering to
> grow in consciousness, but I was very stubborn. My higher self just couldn't get my
> attention any other way. You see, dancing on tables (I had a rather wild youth :))

Mine was not what one would call a wild youth, but much spent under the
control and manipulation of others. Also not at all conductive to
listeing to one's inner voice. Even more painful to at times hear it,
but for being under control of others, not knowing how to break loose
from that to follow where it was leading me. I had an emotionally damage
parent that manipulated others with guilt and shame if they didn't do as
she wanted, to think of themselves, or others, before here, they were
'being selfish'. What it took for me was basicly to have given and given
and given of myself until i was bankrupt, and still being accused of
being selfish because I wasn't still giving, when I had nothing left in
me to give, to see the absurdity of this.

is
> not conducive to listening to one's inner voice. :) It took being repeatedly bonked
> on the head by the universe for me to hear anything.
>
and boy, can it do that as well as it may be neccessary to do it! I,
too, was one of those 'strong horses' that was hard to bend to the
rider's will.
Jenell

> Love and Blessings,
> Andrea

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